1 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:07,877 So many careers to choose from! 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,010 I'm most excited about the scientist. 3 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:13,796 Scientists are truly working on the front lines of discovery. 4 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:16,494 Working on the front lines of discovery... 5 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,366 is not what I do. 6 00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:20,759 All the good stuff... that's all done by computers now. 7 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:22,152 Oh. 8 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,589 I see lots of cute animals every day. 9 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:27,549 And I put almost all of them to sleep. 10 00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:28,985 No matter how much I shower, 11 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,292 I smell like I'm wearing a flea collar. 12 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:34,382 I got into being a cowboy because it was manly. 13 00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,080 But, ironically, the harsh bumping of the saddle 14 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,778 has destroyed my dick and balls. 15 00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,998 I'm so tired of candy. 16 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,001 Sometimes late at night, I go to the kitchen 17 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,743 and I eat spoonfuls of salt. 18 00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:50,093 I don't love my wife anymore. 19 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:53,096 Because of the candy? 20 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,793 Yes. 21 00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:56,360 BOY: A real astronaut! 22 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,842 Okay, so, I'm not an astronaut. 23 00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:04,238 - Oh! - I'm a radio engineer. 24 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,892 - [grunting] - That's right... radio. 25 00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,069 Does anyone here listen to radio? 26 00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:13,377 Free radios, kids! Give it a try! 27 00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,075 It's like podcasts, 28 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:18,121 but it works around our schedule, not yours. 29 00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:21,994 My show is the morning-drive time, 30 00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:26,216 every day on WLNG 98.2. 31 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,392 And if folks don't start listening, 32 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:32,092 I'm gonna be homeless. 33 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,312 [squeaking] 34 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,967 [patriotic music plays] 35 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:40,796 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 36 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:44,669 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 37 00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:47,933 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 38 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:51,763 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 39 00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:57,160 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 40 00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,293 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 41 00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:00,555 Aah! 42 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,125 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 43 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,042 Is something the matter, Steve? 44 00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:12,958 You've barely touched your canned corn and cornballs. 45 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,874 I think it's that dang career fair got me down. 46 00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:19,922 All the adults... their lives seemed so sad and small. 47 00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,445 Oh, you must have misheard them. 48 00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,055 Being an adult is great. 49 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,840 Oh! What's great about it? 50 00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,450 Well, there's, uh... 51 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:27,973 You're peppering me with questions. 52 00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:29,627 Meanwhile, my corn's getting cold. 53 00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:31,673 You know, I picked my career 54 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,849 at my high-school career fair. 55 00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:36,678 Housewife? 56 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,375 Circus manager. 57 00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:41,465 But... but you're not a circus manager. 58 00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:44,512 It's a long process. 59 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:51,040 I-I think she has stopped talking. 60 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:54,870 I don't have a career, but Teddy Sraberg sure does. 61 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,219 I'm Teddy Sraberg. 62 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,916 I work in the adult-film industry, 63 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,875 but I don't do sex acts yet. 64 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,659 I drive the BangVan. 65 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,966 You know, the gray Econoline that cruises around 66 00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,576 while hard-bodies bang in the back. 67 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,362 I didn't know you worked for the 'Van! 68 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:10,190 Ever since I got banned from MILF Catcher, 69 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:13,758 that's been like my main thing! 70 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:16,152 Do you want to know what I did to get banned 71 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,893 from looking at a porn site? 72 00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:20,025 It's bad. 73 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,811 ♪ Cilantro es cantante ♪ 74 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,813 ♪ Cilantro es muy fam... ♪ 75 00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:28,033 ♪ Pizza overlord ♪ 76 00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,166 Ow-ow-ow-ow! Rocking Ronnie here 77 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,602 - hittin' you with... - [static] 78 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:36,346 A career, a job... that's all there is? 79 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,435 MAN: You might think that's all there is. 80 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,959 Live, work, die. 81 00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:43,353 But that's not true. 82 00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,007 I'm Palmer Elymas, 83 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,835 and this is The Wondercabinet, 84 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:50,230 an exploration of the hidden mysteries of the universe. 85 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,754 On tonight's show, the pineal gland... 86 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:56,236 a small sac of fluid located in the center of the human brain. 87 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,759 The third eye. 88 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,239 The Ancient Egyptians believed 89 00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,284 you could vibrate the pineal gland, 90 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,373 allowing the consciousness to move any direction 91 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:06,637 in space and time... astral projection. 92 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:10,250 And every vertebrate in the world has a pineal gland, 93 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,643 except one, the hagfish. 94 00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,776 You are not a hagfish. 95 00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:16,604 I'm not a hagfish. 96 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,170 PALMER: You're not! 97 00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:19,737 The powers that be have just gunked up 98 00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,826 our pineal glands with fluoride. 99 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,655 Mm, fluoride. I don't know. 100 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,004 PALMER: Skeptical? 101 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,832 Listen to this esteemed list of people 102 00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,704 who believe in astral projection. 103 00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:30,879 Ric Flair, 104 00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,576 Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, 105 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,317 one of The Bushwhackers, 106 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:37,015 and René Descartes. 107 00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,059 [gasps] 108 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:42,847 As you all know, I astral-project frequently. 109 00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:45,067 I've gone to the time of dinosaurs. 110 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,721 No feathers, by the way. 111 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:49,550 Scientists get it wrong again! 112 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,248 I've watched the collapse of the last bit of matter 113 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,685 in the universe at the end of time. 114 00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:56,818 I know who Banksy actually is. 115 00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,472 It's "Captain" Lou Albano. 116 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,256 He's not dead, by the way. 117 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,390 Scientists get it wrong again, again! 118 00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,740 You want to see the wonders of the universe? 119 00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:09,221 Just put out your crystals, vibrate your pineal gland, 120 00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:12,964 and... snap... you're off. 121 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,402 Since all my listeners are now successfully 122 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:16,577 astral-projecting, 123 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,187 I'll take this private moment 124 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,363 to say a shameful secret. 125 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,278 I have, in the past, 126 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,628 treated the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition 127 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,413 as pornography. 128 00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,462 Excuse me. Are you Mr. Sraberg? 129 00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:34,203 So you're my trainee, 130 00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:36,553 here to learn how to drive the famous BangVan? 131 00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,468 Yeah. [chuckles] I mean, I'm hoping 132 00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:39,837 to get in the back seat at some point, 133 00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,166 do some acting, you know? 134 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,385 Get in line. 135 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,213 I've been the driver forever, 136 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,563 so if anybody's getting that tap on the shoulder, it's me. 137 00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,086 Beautiful street, right? 138 00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,045 It's not just the humping people enjoy. 139 00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,090 It's the scenery going by the windows. 140 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,416 - [woman moaning] - It's a huge part, I believe. 141 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,876 - Shhhh! - Shh! 142 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,399 Just because you work in a BangVan 143 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,270 doesn't mean you can't be professional. 144 00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:00,795 Rule number 1... eyes on the road. 145 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,729 You're gonna be tempted to sneak peeks in the mirror, 146 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,407 but don't do it. 147 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,018 - [moaning in back seat] - Oh, damn, that's hot! 148 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,934 Wow. Guys, I ran a red just then. 149 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,375 Is this meth, Steve? 150 00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:19,727 It's my rose quartz... to relax my neural pathways. 151 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:22,051 I've been listening to this radio show hosted by Palmer... 152 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:25,994 Radio is dead, Steve. Stern is on SiriusXM now. 153 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,561 Astral projection? 154 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,041 Oh, Steve, that's New Age garbage. 155 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:33,262 And a book? When TV? What are you thinking? 156 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,786 Palmer says everyone used to astral-project, 157 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:38,485 until our pineal glands got gunked up with fluoride... 158 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,225 The pineal gland is a myth! 159 00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:43,403 Well, no one disputes the pineal gland exists. 160 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:44,902 People just aren't sure what the gland does. 161 00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:47,624 Gland this, gland that. Let's not talk about glands. 162 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,191 Let's talk about careers. 163 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,149 You could be anything, Steve. 164 00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:52,518 Why, you could be an endocrinologist, 165 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,630 whatever that is. 166 00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,327 That's... Are you... 167 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,112 That's a doctor who studies glands. 168 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,505 There's that word again. 169 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,332 I'm afraid I'm going to have to forbid you 170 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,117 from listening to that radio show. 171 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,684 But he's the only adult I know who has 172 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,468 any wonder in his life! 173 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,252 Pff! You don't need astral projection 174 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,819 to have wonder in your life. 175 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,691 Okay. Then where do I find it? 176 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:14,085 Um, um, look, you know I know the answer, 177 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,740 but, uh, I'm tired, you're tired, 178 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,283 and I don't want to be up all night explaining 179 00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,830 it to you when you're not gonna get it. 180 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,484 Now go to sleep and have sweet dreams, 181 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,355 or we're gonna have big problems, mister. 182 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,663 - It's 4:30! - [door slams] 183 00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:34,845 Stupid Dad. Gah! I'm shaking with anger. 184 00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:38,066 Whoa! Whoa! What's happening? 185 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:40,068 MAN [muffled]: Help me! Oh, God! 186 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,331 Help me! 187 00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:44,812 DJ KAREN: Hi. I'm DJ Karen Shipley, 188 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:47,858 filling in for Palmer, who suspiciously didn't show up. 189 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,556 -Oh, my God! -DJ KAREN: It's unlike him, 190 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,906 and he hasn't returned any of our calls. 191 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,082 But, anyhoo, I'm just gonna play 192 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,476 "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight." 193 00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:59,783 I think... I think I astral-projected! 194 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,219 And... and that room. 195 00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:03,439 That must have been where Palmer is. 196 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,267 He was calling for help. 197 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,182 I have to save Palmer! 198 00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:09,227 ♪ Not much, how about you? ♪ 199 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:12,187 As soon as they play a bad song. 200 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,318 ♪ I'm not sure why I ♪ 201 00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,541 Thank you all for coming so quickly. 202 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,064 I apologize for the late hour. 203 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,458 If we're aiming to party, 204 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,461 look what Barry got his little hands on. 205 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,464 My dad's friend left his fringe jacket at the house, 206 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,466 and this was inside. 207 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,555 Palmer Elymas is in trouble, guys. 208 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,383 Palmer Elymas? 209 00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,341 That's your talking goldfish, yeah? 210 00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:38,213 He's the host of The Wondercabinet. 211 00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:41,129 Someone's attacking him or kidnapping him. 212 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,740 He... he knows too much. He's saying too much. 213 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,656 About who? 214 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,179 Big Fluoride! 215 00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:49,877 Should we call the police then? 216 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,313 We can't call the police. 217 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,836 You're damn right! 218 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,143 Not when I have this much party powder on me. 219 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:58,581 I guess we can hide it in our noses. 220 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,409 The police will never believe me. 221 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,717 I only know Palmer's in trouble because... 222 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,760 I astral-projected. 223 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:07,808 You what? 224 00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,549 Everything Palmer said is true! 225 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,203 I actually left my body and traveled 226 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,770 to what must be Palmer's house. 227 00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:16,338 You want us to go to some guy's house? 228 00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,881 He's the only one talking about how incredible 229 00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:19,907 life can actually be. 230 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,996 The radio station has to have his address. 231 00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,954 To the bikes! 232 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,002 No one wants my cocaine. 233 00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,786 Feel like a frickin' idiot! 234 00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:30,787 [knock on door] 235 00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,094 Hey, Steve. 236 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,593 Sounds like you're watching Revenge of the Nerds in here. 237 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,359 Let's start from the begi... He's gone. 238 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,274 Initiate Expert Tracker mode. 239 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,321 This open window is the perfect place to stand 240 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,149 and wonder how he got out. 241 00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:46,542 We've got to get there fast! 242 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,283 Let's cut through the cemetery! 243 00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,028 I say we cross the playground where we saw that condom, 244 00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,725 then shoot down Mohawk Drive. 245 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,553 Mohawk... perfect! 246 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,424 The tree roots pushed up all the sidewalks, 247 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,339 turning them into little ramps. 248 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,776 Since time is of the essence, 249 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,168 we'll only take five minutes 250 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,406 to do totally sick bike jumps. 251 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,606 - 10. - Deal! 252 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,695 - 15! - Even better deal! 253 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:11,436 - [tires squeal] - Whoa! That guy almost hit me! 254 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,197 - [moaning in back seat] - I mean, I know it's my ticket. 255 00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:16,006 It's just... boy, you know, I don't make much, 256 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:18,443 and this big number here... that's got me sweating. 257 00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,315 What does everybody in the back think? 258 00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,509 It... it should be me that pays it 259 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:22,598 'cause I'm the one that ran the red? 260 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,101 CAMERA OPERATOR: Quiet, Teddy! 261 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,842 Hey, new guy, you ready to jump back here, 262 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:26,713 show us your stuff? 263 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,149 Yes, sir! 264 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,020 WOMAN: Ooh! 265 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,631 Are you [bleep] kidding me? I quit! 266 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,173 - [crashing] - Good luck getting people 267 00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,851 to watch sex in a parked van. 268 00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,679 [moaning in back seat] 269 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:39,508 I'm unquitting because this just proves 270 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:42,163 someone from up here can actually make it back there. 271 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,730 CAMERA OPERATOR: Shut up, Teddy! 272 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,125 STEVE: The radio station. 273 00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,519 Palmer's home address has to be in there. 274 00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:52,564 We've just got to get past the guard. 275 00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:55,655 Let's forget this radio-station business 276 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:58,832 and get a little high? 277 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,138 Get high! That's it! 278 00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,706 There's a door up on the roof of the radio station. 279 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,490 We just need to build a big-enough jump. 280 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,231 A jump, you say? 281 00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,369 - Here goes noth... - GUARD: What do we have here? 282 00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:15,979 We're busted! 283 00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,783 You little troublemakers are going away for a long... 284 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,374 A ramp?! 285 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,768 I haven't gone off a ramp since I was a kid! 286 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,204 Watch this! 287 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:27,121 Time to fly like an eagle, baby! 288 00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:29,340 [grunts] I broke my ass! 289 00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,255 I'm so embarrassed! 290 00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:33,910 They're gonna put me in a big plaster diaper! 291 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,695 Oh, no! 292 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:43,703 [mellow music playing] 293 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,925 WILLIAM: You came! 294 00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,753 You're interested in radio! 295 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:55,323 Don't push me into the closet I sleep in! 296 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:59,109 [pounding on door] 297 00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:02,243 Palmer Elymas... the Vista View Apartments on Third Street. 298 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,462 Mm, is there someone special you'd like 299 00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:06,464 to dedicate this love song to? 300 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,945 BARRY: A very important woman in my life. 301 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:12,166 Just thinking about her makes my heart race. 302 00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,690 Love is just so, so special. 303 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,084 She's a cartoon bird with big, red lips 304 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,564 that's in these car-insurance commercials. 305 00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,523 DJ KAREN: She sounds incredible. 306 00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:22,979 Here's Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love" 307 00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:24,154 from The Karate Kid II soundtrack. 308 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,354 [tires squeal] 309 00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:30,140 This tree is dry. 310 00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,882 The roots have been squeezed of moisture by kids 311 00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,579 doing jumps off the sidewalk. 312 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:41,804 Four kids to be precise... three normals and a large. 313 00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,086 - [vehicle approaching] - They're heading east. 314 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,677 Whoa! This guy's driving on the sidewalk! 315 00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:47,331 And I'll tell you something else. 316 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,787 - [moaning in back seat] - People want to see someone 317 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,528 with a little paunch, a guy who works for a living 318 00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:51,727 have sex in the van. 319 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,902 Fine. Let's go. 320 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,556 R-R-Right now? 321 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,558 - Yes. - But... but who's gonna drive? 322 00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,168 We'll park. 323 00:12:58,212 --> 00:12:59,822 P-People need to see the trees going by. 324 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,476 Tonight or never. 325 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,739 Okay, okay. But I'm frizzing out. 326 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,524 At least let me wet down my hair in a gas-station bathroom. 327 00:13:06,568 --> 00:13:07,850 You've got to let me make it nice. 328 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,353 Please! 329 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,841 Hmm. Makeshift ramp, a loser with broken butt. 330 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,451 I've solved it. 331 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,149 This fool was trying to relive his youth. 332 00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,412 Maybe to impress some kids? 333 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:27,110 Judging by how dry his mouth feels, 334 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,721 I'd say the boys left here about 45 minutes ago. 335 00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,333 Get your hands out of my mouth! 336 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,050 If you're looking for those boys, they went... 337 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,163 Stop! I want to track them only by seeing 338 00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,860 how moist things are. 339 00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,863 [moaning] 340 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:44,867 Okay, best-case scenario, Palmer's tied up inside. 341 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:45,931 So we can't just knock on the door. 342 00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:46,913 [knocks on door] 343 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,697 Barry, no! 344 00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:51,091 What if the agents of Big Fluoride are... 345 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:53,484 Palmer? Y-You're okay! 346 00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,051 I thought something happened to you. 347 00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,661 Something did happen to me! 348 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,229 I have a toothache, which is crazy, 349 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:03,146 because I wipe my teeth with a hand towel three times a day! 350 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,713 Uh, how do you know who I am? 351 00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:07,498 From The Wondercabinet. I'm a fan. 352 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,109 And guess what. 353 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:11,763 I astral-projected right into your apartment. 354 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,244 Where... where are the astral charts? 355 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,898 Where are the crystals? 356 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:19,859 It's just a bunch of posters of... race cars? 357 00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,599 Yeah! You can't even drive 358 00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,906 this one on the street it's so fast. 359 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,342 I-Is there another room? 360 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:28,258 Another room?! I work in radio. 361 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,870 Who do you think I am? King Ralph? 362 00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,349 I astral-projected! 363 00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,830 Really? That's wild! 364 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,223 I'd love to do that. 365 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,225 But... but you have. 366 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:40,053 You said so on your show. 367 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,663 I just made that up. 368 00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,622 So I didn't astral-project. 369 00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:47,190 And you're just another sad adult. 370 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:52,804 I am so sick of sad adults! 371 00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,894 Aah! 372 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,243 My Lamborghini Veneno! 373 00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,245 Steve, he's okay. 374 00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:00,247 Why are you so upset? 375 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:01,857 We're supposed to pick a path, 376 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,946 but they all lead to the same place... 377 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,079 a small, sad life! 378 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,168 I thought there was another way, but there isn't! 379 00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,692 STAN: They should call you boys Hurricane Katrina, 380 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,955 'cause you've been leaving water all over town. 381 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,088 And you! 382 00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:17,481 You want me to live the smallest, worst life of all... 383 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:18,482 yours! 384 00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:22,573 You're a hagfish! 385 00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:23,923 Aaaaaaaah! 386 00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:30,320 Whoa! Is that his pineal gland? 387 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,410 Steve! 388 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:47,990 ♪ 389 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:51,602 ♪ 390 00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,561 The astral plane. 391 00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,041 I'm here. 392 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,391 Oh, God, I'm actually here! 393 00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,088 It's real! 394 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:01,743 Okay, how does it work? How does it work? 395 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:06,748 I should be able to just think of a place and go, say Paris. 396 00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,533 - [French accordion music plays] - Magnifique! 397 00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:13,973 I can go anywhere, even Chimdale. 398 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:18,020 Wow! Chimdale! 399 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:20,718 It's like Paris on steroids. 400 00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:24,331 It's all so beautiful! I want to see everything. 401 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:27,116 I want to see everything Palmer lied about getting to see, 402 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,989 to every time and every place, 403 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,992 to the last moment of the universe! 404 00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,302 Sad ending. 405 00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,870 Got to stop reading the last page of a book first. 406 00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:46,266 Now show me dinosaurs! 407 00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,313 Incredible! 408 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,707 The feathers are so unpleasant, though. 409 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,015 [roars] 410 00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,538 [Steve gasps] 411 00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,453 Bu-gawk! 412 00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:00,976 Oh, just awful. 413 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,849 Now show me everything! 414 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:38,187 ♪ 415 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,537 [toilet flushes] 416 00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,152 There we go. 417 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,631 Hey, you're great. 418 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,242 You're a nice guy. 419 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:50,591 People want to see you do things. 420 00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,419 Did you get in shape the way you wanted? 421 00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,116 No, of course not. 422 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,702 Did you eat like you were an actor trying to gain 423 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:56,771 100 pounds for a role? 424 00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,120 Yeah. So what? 425 00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,602 Now are you ready to smash? Yeah. 426 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,299 I said, are you ready to smash?! 427 00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,345 Yes! Let me really hear it. 428 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,086 I'm gonna smash! 429 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,348 Yeah! 430 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:13,701 No! H-Help! 431 00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,790 Can anyone hear me? 432 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:16,941 CAMERA OPERATOR: Where the hell is Teddy? 433 00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:18,749 I'm in here! My hair is wet. 434 00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,273 I'm ready for sex! 435 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:21,598 TRAINEE: You know, I was thinking, 436 00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,624 what if we just used a green screen 437 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,408 instead of driving around all the time? 438 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,149 No! That's terrible! 439 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:28,779 CAMERA OPERATOR: That could totally work. 440 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,980 No! Why can I hear you and you can't hear me?! 441 00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,610 TRAINEE: We wouldn't need a driver at all! 442 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,157 I'm having a panic attack! 443 00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,202 [gasping] 444 00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:37,899 [chuckles] 445 00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,553 Well, Roger's at it again. 446 00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:40,554 What next? 447 00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:41,990 Oh! 448 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,818 That strange room. 449 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,385 I forgot about that. 450 00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,256 If it wasn't Palmer's room, what was it? 451 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,652 I'm back! This is it! 452 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,045 But where is this? 453 00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,960 Let's take it back in time. 454 00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:02,010 It's Dad's study. 455 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:06,667 Where are you? 456 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,103 Where did you go? 457 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:17,678 ♪ 458 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:20,550 [sobs] 459 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:21,812 Help me! 460 00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:24,250 Oh, God, help me! 461 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,513 Dad was the one calling for help... 462 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,123 to save me. 463 00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,868 [gasps] Steve! You came back! 464 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,652 Be careful. That's Waterford glass. 465 00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,698 I've traveled so far, Dad, 466 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,309 to every corner of this universe. 467 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,963 I've seen so much. 468 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,573 Did I end up getting cast as Hamilton 469 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,053 in the movie version of Hamilton? 470 00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,359 No. 471 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,665 Well, I owe Tuttle a million dollars. 472 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,145 There's something I need to say. 473 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,278 No. You're back. 474 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,497 We don't have to talk ever again. 475 00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,891 I apologize for calling you a hagfish 476 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,893 and saying your life was small, 477 00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:01,330 for thinking anyone's life was small. 478 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,550 I wanted something infinite, but I didn't realize 479 00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,552 I had it right here. 480 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,511 A love so big it moved us across time and space 481 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,600 to find each other. 482 00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,950 Is that what you couldn't figure out how to say, Dad? 483 00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,822 Is that what you wanted me to understand? 484 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:17,781 No. That's stupid. 485 00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,087 And even if it was what I felt, 486 00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:21,872 how dare you say it out loud. 487 00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,700 Don't touch me. 488 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,572 Get away from me! 489 00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:29,402 What's say we pop open that third eye, 490 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,578 do a little astral projecting together. 491 00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:35,495 [laughs] 492 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,540 I'm haunting my own house. 493 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,630 Boo! 494 00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:43,503 Boo! 495 00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,461 Dad, I told you they can't see us. 496 00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,637 What's the point then? This sucks. 497 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,770 I'll show you something that doesn't suck. 498 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,164 Whoa! Chimdale. 499 00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,992 Now, this I could get used to. 500 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,646 Right?! 501 00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,344 Bye! Have a great time! 502 00:20:58,394 --> 00:21:02,944 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0